I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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