Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
