I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
