is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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