dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i think i just lost a toe
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
