she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize