well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize