Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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