and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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