this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
