i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
