bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
