you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
