my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
