Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize