so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
