hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize