after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
