I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize