I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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