I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
