I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
