I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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