Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
