Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
