Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
