if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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