I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
