he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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