Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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