At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
