I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
