The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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