dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
