It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
