You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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