found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize