Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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