So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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