I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
