I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize