Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
