How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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