I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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