***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
zippers are such a cool invention
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
