haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
