Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize