Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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