ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
