Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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