Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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