We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
