1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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