his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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