she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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