Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
