Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
