Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
