I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
