The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
