Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
