I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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