My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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