a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
