More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
