o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
