it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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