I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
