I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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