His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
