sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
